Tuesday, May 26, 2009

my rant

My life has felt like a bit of a mess lately. I have many (many,many) excuses, but in fact it boils
down to me, me, me.

Changing everything up and putting it on a summer schedule seems to be a lot to handle for an eat the same breakfast everyday kind of girl. When I was a much younger woman say 19-23. I thought change was extremely hard. I learned to deal with it, even learned to embrace it. I seemed to easily let the Lord handle it then...
Once I started having chickadees change was almost at a constant and I really thought I,I,I had it licked. Then the first chickadee started to homeschool and not realizing that she had a visual disability (regular eye exams didn't pick it up) we proceeded to try every known spelling, phonics and math program for the several years. Our daily home life was also always changing, between new babies, floods, remodels, moves and just day to day life..... All of the sudden change was killing me. BUT it didn't.

The one constant that I see is that change makes me run home to my Dad. He loves me and when I can't fix it myself (anymore) and I'm totally ready to give up and go running and screaming into the night (seriously).... Something "switches on inside of me" and I remember I can share every bit of it with him. Of course I still have to do most of the leg work (yuck), but I can go to him to scream, cry, rant and ask for directions and strength. Sometimes he'll completely take care of it and I have to do nothing.

I also feel safe and secure like being held in arms that cover, protect and shade me. He knows I can't do it alone (even though after all these many years I somehow still think I have to...i am woman hear me roar!) and I can lay it all on him. He created me for his pleasure. He will take care of me (it) and show me what I need to do. What a relief!

So I was going to rant about:
-bathing suit shopping and modesty with chickadees
-foot injuries
-exercise and food plan
-time schedules
-our whole school program

But I've already run back to him and he is putting my life back in order and changing things around!


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